Don’t Be Afraid of Love

Disclaimer: Weiß Kreuz isn’t mine. The song, “Breathless”, is sung by the Corrs and it ain’t mine either.

Warnings/Pairings: Ran x Ken (actually I think it’s more Ken x Ran). Also, little bit of Ran’s past is revealed and bit of Ken’s but not the main focus of the story. A bit Ran being OOC but hey! It’s in his thoughts and we don’t know exactly what he thinks like.

Anything in italics with ~ around it is part of the song. Plain old italics means thoughts.

* * *

One o’clock in the morning and I cannot sleep. I close my eyes but sleep’s just not coming over me. I keep sitting up and walking around my room. I didn’t think I was bothering anyone until I heard Yohji yelling at me to stop moving and go back to sleep like normal people. I could have said something to him but I didn’t. Instead, I went downstairs and sat by the window. There was no mission tonight and that left me restless.  The thing is I wanted to fight someone, mainly Reiji Takatori.

Oh, Takatori...the bane of my existence. I hear that name and my blood starts boiling. I remember the look on his face immediately after he ran over my sister, Aya. It stuck in my mind since that night and I vowed to kill him. Or at least make him pay for what he’s done. I prefer the killing but if he’s caught and convicted of his crime, I‘ll be a little relieved. Then I’ll come to his jail cell and shove my katana down his throat.

"I hate you." I mutter as if I'm talking to Takatori. It's true. I won't rest until he's rotting in hell. I want him to pay for what he's done to me and my family. It's my only goal right now. Once he’s gone, my family will be able to rest in peace and Aya will also be avenged.

Difficult question. I don't think I have an answer for it.

I look out the window, still thinking about my sister. Do people have dreams when they're in comas? If so, what do they dream about? How many dreams has Aya had all this time? Or does she have just one long dream? I don't think I'll ever know unless one day I find myself in her position.

It's such a beautiful night. The moon is only half-full and there aren't that many stars out. Likewise, there aren't very many people either on the streets either. It’s a good night for thinking and sitting in the dark. The last few days have been tough. Like Monday, I was supposed to be helping Ken Hidaka but I ended up staring at him the whole time. Then three days ago, I complimented on how nice his hair was. And yesterday....

Yesterday, I gave him a hug. He’s the first person I’ve hugged in a long time. And it wasn’t a normal hug. It was...different. And it was strange.

The lights come on all of a sudden. I feel like I'm stage and the spotlight just fell on me. Squinting my eyes, I turn around to find Ken wearing nothing but his boxers. We look at each other for a few seconds. Finally, he blushes and starts to head back upstairs.

~I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide
And I'm losing the will to try~

I hate to admit it but he is probably the most beautiful human being I have ever seen.  He’s another reason I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking about him. Everyday I see him, I get this feeling inside me.

"S...sorry." He whispers. "I...I didn't know you were down here."

I think he's worried that I'm mad at him.

"It's all right." I tell him. Ken lets out this sigh of relief similar to an ocean breeze.

"I couldn't sleep." He says, making his way back down the stairs. My eyes are still glued at that fine-toned chest of his. Oh yes, he has been working out lately and it shows.

"I couldn't sleep." He says again. This time, he sits down next to me. I try desperately to keep my image as calm and uncaring as possible. It's hard considering that he's sitting half-naked and very close to me. Our hips are touching slightly. "Too many noises are keeping me up."

"Was I disturbing you?" I ask. It's a silly question because I have been down here all the time. But I was talking to myself so I could be blamed for waking Ken up.

"No. Yohji's talking in his sleep again. He's got women on his mind again."

Why am I not surprised?

"I couldn't sleep either. I came down here to do some thinking." I explain. Ken just nods. He doesn't ask why I'm here thinking or what I'm thinking about. He waits for me to tell me. That's another thing I like about him: when it comes to things like this, he's patient. He doesn't interrupt the way some people do when another person's telling a story. He'll let me finish my sentences before asking anything. And even if I don't feel like telling him a thing, he won't pester me. Not many people do that.

"I hate that man." I murmur. "Instead of taking the blame for his crime, he places it on my family. I want him to die, Ken."

"I know." Ken whispers. "But you can't rush into anything, Aya. You'll not only endanger yourself, you'll endanger the ones around you...and yes, that includes Aya-chan."

I glare at him but I know he's right. I just don't like being reminded of that. Ken realizes that he should stop talking so he does. Instead, he looks outside the window with me. His dark eyes are staring at the moon. I know he's remembering his own life. He doesn't have to say a word. I can tell from where I'm sitting.

“It’s a beautiful night, isn’t it?” He asks. I nod. What, did he expect me to say something different?

“So what were you doing downstairs by yourself?” Another question.

“Thinking.” I mutter. It’s true. That’s the only reason I came down here; I’m thinking of how I’m going to torture Takatori before I put him in hell forever. I’m thinking of what I’m going to do if Aya never comes out of her coma. I’m thinking about how I’m going to tell that Sakura Tomoe that I have no interest in here, I’m not her type, and to go find a guy her age who’ll treat her like a queen. I’m thinking of a lot of goddamn things, Ken. I’m thinking of a lot of goddamn things.

But most of all, I’m thinking of you. I’m thinking of running my fingers through that dark brown hair of yours, of gazing into those chocolate-colored eyes, and of putting my arms around you. I’m thinking of what people would do if they knew I was thinking of you like this.

“Do you want me to go back upstairs?” He asks. Then he starts to get up but I pull him back down.

“Don’t go. Stay with me for a while.” I say without looking at him. I mean it too. I finally get Ken downstairs to talk to him and I’m not going to let him get away.  This is one time I don’t mind anyone’s company.  We look at each other for a very long time. Ken’s eyes...they’re trying to tell me something. I feel like I’m being pulled towards him with a magnet. Slowly, my body starts closing in on him and my lips zero in on his mouth.

“Aya...I...” Ken starts to say but I don’t want him to finish. My lips suddenly touch his and we kiss. I can feel his arms wrapping around my body and his fingers digging into my flesh. Carefully, I put my arms around his neck. I feel numb and warm at the same time. Somehow, being here with Ken holding me...it doesn’t feel bad.

If Sakura Tomoe came in now and saw me kissing Ken, she’d be lying on that floor and having seizures.

It feels right.

Ken pulls away from me when he sees I’m being hesitant. It’s as if he heard what I was saying inside my head. Maybe he did. The look on his face is anything but happy.

“Sorry.” He murmurs. Without another word, he heads back upstairs and leaves me alone.

*        *          *

Time for work again. I wake up earlier than everyone else, get dressed quickly, and head on downstairs an hour before the shop opens. It’ll give me time to think about last night. I don’t know why but kissing Ken seemed right. I run my tongue across my lips, remembering the way he kissed me last night. I also remember him leaving me downstairs cause I became hesitant. I hate to admit it but I feel bad.

This wouldn’t be easy.

It's like a dream
Although I'm not asleep
And I never want to wake up~

“IT’S AYA-SAN!” A million voices squeal as the door opens and all these girls come flying in. I glare at them, knowing that not one is going to buy anything. I personally cannot stand them. They squeal like mice and stick to all four of us like leeches. We are businessmen, for crying out loud. And regardless what anyone says, no, the four of us are not for sale! Only flowers are!

Once again, those girls surround me like fleas. My head starts to pound. It's like a bunch of gymnasts tumbling around my brain. If they don't leave me alone anytime soon, I'm going to kill one of them. It may be cruel, it may be wrong, but if it will give me peace and quiet...

"Aya?"

My eyes fly wide open when I hear that voice. It's not one of those stupid screaming girls.

"Aya?" Ken says again, looking at me curiously. God, I hate it when he does that. It makes him sexy and I get this desire to kiss him. I press my lips together but I stay calm. No need for anyone else to know what I'm feeling.

Ken now puts his hand on my shoulder and I almost hit the ceiling. Partially cause he’s got icy hands but mainly because I didn’t expect him to touch me like that. The girls start talking in whispers now and my headache starts to die. Some of them even go off to bother Yohji or Omi. I shoot him a look of gratitude. He probably doesn't know what it's for.

"Are you all right?" He asks me. "You look a little tired. It's the girls, right? Don't let them bother you."

"I don't let them bother me. I'm fine." I reply. I try to keep my voice toneless so that he doesn't realize he surprised me or that I'm glad he cured my headache. To assure him that everything is normal, I pick up a plant sitting on the table and take it back where it belonged.

"Oh Aya-san!" A group of girls squeal. I grit my teeth and move away. How do I endure this everyday? I don't know. I run through my mind of all the sayings I could give out. My personal favorite is this: If you spend two hours in here and you don't buy a thing, I will shove my foot up your sailor fuku and send you flying out that door like an airplane. You'll go so far, you might actually break the speed of light. Would you like Aya-san to do that?

I catch Ken looking over in my direction. He smiles at me before helping some girl who actually came to buy something. I nod with approval. Good old Ken. He's got that easy-going, gentle nature that anyone will be attracted to.

Anyone.

Damn you, Ken. Why are you like that? You seem almost flawless. Of course, trusting Kase was a mistake. But at the same time, I can't blame you. I may have believed him if he was my best friend. But other than being too trusting, you're probably the best one of us all. You can pick us up when we're down. You can move on with life.

He shoots me one more look before putting full attention on his customer. Damn it, what's this feeling? Ken hasn't done anything. He hasn't said anything and I still feel like this! What's going on? I can’t get him out of my head. I liked kissing him. Now I have the urge to do anything he asks of me. How am I going to approach and tell him that? I guess I have to be straightforward. But not now. I have to wait till I have free time.

I watch Ken listening to the woman talking. Somehow, when he has his mouth closed, he's attractive. But he’s also attractive when he has his mouth opened. He’s attractive no matter what he does and I can’t stand it anymore.

Damn you, Ken. Damn you for being so irresistible.

*        *          *

Well, the girls are starting to leave now. Yohji and Omi are working the shift while Ken and I get a break. I finally find him putting away some plants, which are not for sale.

“Want me to help?” I ask him. He nods at me.

“I need to talk to you.” I tell him, picking up the heaviest potted plant and putting it to the side.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Last night...you and I...”

“Oh that.” Ken blushed. He helps me pick up another plant and we move it aside together. “Sorry about leaving you like that. I got the impression that you didn’t like it.”

“But I did!” I pointed out. “I did like it! It’s just...just...” I’m at a loss for words.

“Yes?”

“Were you okay with...kissing me?” I hate the way I phrased that question.

Ken doesn’t take a second to think up an answer. “Yes.”

“It doesn’t seem wrong to you?” I ask. “You’re telling me you’re fine with kissing another *guy*?”

Ken smirks as he puts that pot away. Then his face turns serious. “Yes, I’m fine with it. You should be to.”

“But...but...”

I’m stammering. I hate it when I stammer. I look and feel like an idiot.

“Yes?” Ken waits for me to answer.

“I...I’m not fine with it.”

That must be the stupidest answer I have ever given anyone.

Ken’s face falls. “I see.”

Dammit, Aya! Look at what you just did! Ken stops for a minute (giving me time to look at his ass) and then picks up another plant. This is my chance to try and smooth things over.

“What I’m not fine with is that...what other people will say.” I explain, shoving my hands into my pocket. “We’re two guys. We shouldn’t be seen together.”

“Who told you something like that?” He asks me. He sounds bewildered.

“It’s society. Two men don’t look right together.” I murmur. I have a feeling that I’m making everything much worse. I sound narrow-minded with that sentence.

To my amazement, Ken just smiles at me. “You’re worried about the fact that we’re two guys?”

“Y...yes.” The stammering comes back again.

“Look, Aya.” Ken finishes his job and faces me. “People will criticize us, I agree. People may complain. Some may stop talking to us forever. But it’s clear that we’ve got feelings for each other and we don’t want to lose them. At least, I don’t.”

Wait a second. Did Ken just say he loves me?

“Some may look at us strangely. I’ve been criticized for stranger things. I’ve been criticized for being a male, for being Japanese, for a lot of things. But I don’t let that bother me. I don’t care what people say.  I’m me and no one can change that.” He continues.  “I know how you’ve been feeling about me. When you hugged me the day before and the kiss last night...you love me, don’t you?”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.  Is Ken being serious? He doesn’t care about what people think? He thinks I love him? It makes sense though. Of all of us, he seems to be the one who can move on with life easily after killing someone. I still feel iffy about the whole thing.

“How do you feel about it?” He now asks me. Talk about stating the obvious.

“That’s just it. I’ve never had this feeling before, least of all to a guy. I don’t know what it is.”

“Doesn’t it feel like love to you?” He asks. “It does to me.”

Love...a word I don’t even remember the definition of. After my parents died and Aya was put in that coma, no one offered me any love. They just looked at me like I was pitiful. No one cared.  No one looked after me. Even the feelings that Sakura Tomoe shows me aren’t true love. All she has is a little girl crush on me. She acts like I don’t know it but I do.

“I don’t know what love feels like.” I admitted.

“Come here. I‘ll show you. ” He says and then he kisses me. My eyes widen at first but then I kiss him back. The feeling is much stronger now and I feel so much warmer. From that kiss, I see Ken understands me. He’ll do anything for me. He’s showing me what love means.

“I won’t tell anyone about us if you don’t want me to. Not Yohji, not Omi, no one.” Ken promises, gently pressing his lips on top of my forehead. I can’t help but smile. He’s the first person, other than members of my family, to kiss me like that. What’s even more amazing is that it feels right. It feels nice.

It hit me then; Ken loves me and I think I love him back. Why would I hide that from anyone? Why should I hide it? Ken loves me and that’s all that should matter. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I never did. Why should it be any different now?

“It’s okay.” I whisper. “I’m not ashamed. I like having you around me. Maybe if they see us together, those stupid schoolgirls will leave me alone.”

Ken just laughs as he squeezes me. I squirm a little but smile. “Don’t count on it.”

Then he pulls me closer and we kiss. Yeah. Yeah, this does feel like love to me...and I’m glad it does.

-OWARI-

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