No Words Can Explain

By Carter Tachikawa

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is not mine. Never has been, never will be.

Summary: A vignette. Misao tries to put down her feelings for Aoshi on paper.

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~It’s only words

And words are all I have

To take your heart away~

-Boyzone “Words” (A band I normally wouldn’t listen to but the song fit)

The one night Makimachi Misao sat down to write a letter was the one night that she forgot what to say.

She would sit there for five minutes and attempt to write a letter to Shinomori Aoshi, leader of the Oniwanbanshuu. He had left a few days ago and no one knew why. He hadn’t left any explanation or dropped any hints as to why he’d leave. He was there one morning and the next, he had left. And that left Misao in a state of confusion and depression. Why would her Aoshi-sama leave without telling her? And where would he go?

At first, she thought about following him. Jiya was quick to tell her ‘no’.

“You don’t know where he is. What makes you think you’ll be able to find him?”

“I can!” Misao snapped. “I’m going to find a way! Even if I have to search everywhere, I will find him. I promise you.”

“No!” Jiya snapped back. “You should know that it will not be easy to find him. Or maybe he doesn’t want to be found.”

Misao blinked. “What do you mean he doesn’t want to be found?”

“Think about it. Why else would he go without saying a word?”

“Well, it is Aoshi-sama.” Misao mumbled. “He goes anywhere he wants without saying a word!”

“Misao, just trust me on this. Don’t go.”

And for once in her life, Misao listened. She stayed at home and tried not to think about Aoshi. That was the hard part. So she decided that she would write him a letter. She wouldn’t send it out but write it to make herself feel better. She got the paper and ink to write. And that’s where she ran into trouble.

“How should I start this?” She pondered out loud. “Dear Aoshi? Aoshi-sama? My dearest Aoshi-sama?”

All of those greetings sounded terrible. So she chose to skip the beginning and start with the letter itself. At the end, she would figure out what to put on top.

However, the main letter was also a challenge to write.

I…

She started to write ‘I love you’ but chose not to. It seemed like a silly way to begin a letter.

I…

Once again, she was stumped. How could she tell her beloved Aoshi that she loved him and she wanted him back? Writing it down was going to be a lot harder than she thought. The ink on the ‘I’ had dried and was waiting for her to write some more.

“I want you to know…” She murmured but didn’t write those words down. “I want you to know that I miss you!”

Again, it just sounded wrong. What kind of idiot said something like that in a letter? She was in love with him, after all. She didn’t need to state the obvious. Why couldn’t she be more poetic? Why was she having such a hard time trying to tell Aoshi want he meant to her?

I…I’m having trouble writing the words down.

Again, Misao had stated the obvious. Aoshi would never read something like this! Even though she wasn’t going to send this out, she still felt bad. But she didn’t want to scratch the sentence out or else it would look worse. So she kept on going and hoped that the rest of the letter would come out better.

I’ve never written a letter like this before. But I can’t stop thinking about you. You left without telling anyone and I’m worried. I can’t help but wonder if you got hurt. I just want you to come home. Whenever you feel like coming home, of course. I know I say this too many times but I really do love you. Or else I wouldn’t worry about you. So please, send us something to let us know you’re all right.

“There!” Misao said with satisfaction. While it wasn’t the sweetest love letter in the world, it was decent and she managed to express how she felt. Now all she had to do was end it off.

Come back soon. I miss you very much. Sa…

She was never able to finish that letter. Another hand was laid on top of hers, squeezing it to keep her from writing. Misao didn’t bother turning around. She knew who it was. Her body trembled and she almost burst into tears.

“I’ve missed you too.” Aoshi whispered in her ear.

~OWARI~

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