Tiny
Misunderstanding
(Chapter
1: In Bed With?)
Pairing:
Still Reno x Yuffie
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Whoa,
where am I? Who am I? What am I doing here? How long is this freaking hallway?
Where the hell is my room? Where am I? Where am I?!
“Reno?”
I
shook my head and turned around. I hadn’t moved an inch from where I had been
standing. Elena and Rude were staring at me as if I had turned into a Tonberry
and was getting ready to poke them both with a knife. Oooh, boy, too much
alcohol does disorient a person. I guess I hadn’t made my way upstairs to Lola
after all. All I did was cause myself some personal drama.
“Reno,
are you okay?” Elena asked me. “If you want, you can stay…”
“Oh
no!” I insisted. Oh God, the last thing I wanted to do was to hear ‘Lena go on
about how good she’d look in Tseng’s underwear and whatnot. If Rude wants to
torture his eardrums, let him. Me, I got a date…at least, I hope I got a date.
“Do
you want us to go up with you?”
Hmm,
let me think. Do I want you to follow me upstairs where you will ask me about
blush colors or where I think Tseng will take you? I’d rather run into a wall
while I’m impaired.
“No!
I’m fine and dandy!” I chirped. “Fine like the wine I drank last night,
yessiree!”
Elena
and Rude looked at each other. Note to self: never use ‘yessiree’ in a sentence
again. It brings about suspicion.
“Well,
fine.” ‘Lena shrugged. “If you need anything…”
“Yeah,
yeah, yeah.” I interrupted her. All I needed at the moment was Lola and I’d be
okay. “I’m going to my room to chill. See ya!”
And
somehow, I managed to make my way up the stairs. Along the way, I thought about
Lola and the fun we’d have. Oh God, I haven’t screwed a girl since two nights
ago. Heck, she wasn’t that good. Lola, I heard, was the best prostitute around
and hard to get on busy nights. By some luck, I got her. I literally danced up
and down the stairs in my birthday suit when I found out I got her. Luckily, I
wasn’t that stupid to run around in the nude…but I was drunk enough to go
around with my underwear on my head. The incident was captured on film
unfortunately. I still need the negatives back from Rude.
Anyway,
I had Lola for tonight and life was good. But I was having trouble remembering
what my room number is. Was it 69? Or 96? Maybe if I look at it upside, it
might help. No, 96 upside down would still look like 96. Whoa, what am I
thinking? I must really be drunk and the fates are probably mocking me as I
stumble towards my ‘room’.
And
mock me, the fates did, but I’m getting ahead of myself. What would happen
later would make me the laughing stock of all those nasty angels looking down
on this planet.
I
ran into a plant and slipped on the floor twice yet I still made it to room 69.
I assumed this was it and I wasn’t looking forward to going all the way
upstairs. This inn has only stairs, which is very unfair. I just have to hope
69’s the room I asked for. As for Lola, I don’t know whether she’s still there
or not. I think she got pissed off, burned all my underwear, and kept the
toilet seat down before she left.
“Don’t
you even think about toasting my thongs, Lola! Daddy’s here!” I whispered,
fumbling around for my room key. Then I saw that the door was slightly ajar and
that scared me. Maybe she was gone. Maybe she decided to burn my sheets and the
rest of my clothes too! Maybe she didn’t flush the toilet when she used it.
Maybe the whole place smelled of rancid chocobo meat and good cheese. Oh, I was in for a big shock.
I
pushed the door open and saw a lump in my bed. Lola was still here! I stuck my
tongue out at the fates and practically galloped into that room. Now I had no
more worries.
”Lola?” I whispered to the lump. “I’m back. Sorry I’m late.”
No
answer. So I tried to wake her up with my sexiest voice.
“Lola,
sugar, wanna play?” I slipped out of my
clothes and approached the bed.
Still
no answer. The lump just turned over and covered itself up some more. It was
then that I realized what happened. Damn, she fell asleep! I hired her so I
could do her, not so she can take catnaps in my pad! What a waste of gil!
Or
maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I could still wake her up and get my gil’s worth of
loving! Yeah, if I just slip in bed, this idea may be crazy enough to work out.
Things like this have happened before! And besides, it wasn’t my fault for
being late. ‘Lena had to drag me and bore me to nothingness with her date
plans. I escaped her and now I’m here. Gloating victoriously, I got into bed
and pulled the covers over me. Though I don’t know why I did, they’d be kicked
off in a second.
Grinning,
I reached over and ran my hands down her back. I think my hands are soft and
strong enough to arouse her senses. Then she said the one thing I never wanted
to hear.
“Ew!
Dad, there’s vomit in my bathtub and I got some on me!”
Hey!
My hands don’t feel like vomit! The worse they’ve been compared to is chocobo
feet. But vomit took the cake. Rather hurt and angry by that remark, I pulled
away and lay back on my own pillow.
“Bitch!”
I muttered. Oh, I’d show her in the morning all right. Call my hands vomit,
will she? Sleep in my bed and not give me sex, will she? Hell yes, I’d show
her. I’d show them all!
“A
ha ha ha ha!” I laughed to myself. That didn’t wake Lola up. I went back to
fuming and tried to sleep again. I would make sure I’d get my money’s worth
tomorrow or else.
I was
barely asleep when a loud and rather piss-filled voice broke me out of my
slumber.
“Damn
it, kid! Shut your @$#*&$ door!” I heard someone yell. “You don’t want
anyone to come in and steal your Materia, do you?!”
Huh?
“Pipe
down!” A woman’s voice hissed. “You’ll wake her up!”
“No
shit, woman! That’s what I want to do!”
“Don’t
refer to me in that tone, Cid!”
That
was it. I couldn’t take the arguing anymore. Stupid couple getting all pissy
when others were trying to sleep…oh, I’d do them some justice too in the
morning.
“I’m
not a kid!” I snapped, sitting up and interrupting their argument. “And I’m not
a girl either!”
“The
hell? That sound like Shinra!” I heard another familiar voice say.
The
door was flung open and the lights came on. I moaned and tried to glare at the
visitors standing in the doorway. I found myself staring at a group of people
and, despite my blurry vision, I could make out a few things. Spiky yellow
hair, pink, big boobs, gun arm, weird animal thing, giant white doll, brooding
dude in the back, and buffoon with a cigarette…oh yes, it was Avalanche.
“*$&*#$@!
It’s a Shinra punk!” Buffoon with cigarette exclaimed. “What the
&#$*&$@ is scum like you doing here?”
Hey!
The Turks? Scum? Call us murderers, call us thieves, and call us out for lunch
if you want! But scum?! That hurts our pride.
“I’m
not scum.” I murmured. Unfortunately, this only pissed Avalanche off more.
“You
better not have hurt her, Reno.” Big boobs, or Tifa as they call her, warned.
“If you have done anything…”
“Who?”
I asked, still confused by the whole thing. Damn Avalanche and their holier
than thou art, Shinra scum attitudes! Hell, I just wanted some sex! Was that
too much to ask?!
“What
the hell is wrong with you guys? I’ve been here with my girl…” I looked down at
Lola…only to see she wasn’t Lola. And before my stomach shriveled up and
I nearly puked out whatever alcohol I consumed that night, I got a good look at
my ‘girl’.
Sleeping
next to me, the girl I had failed to shag, was none other than Avalanche’s
personal ninja, Materia loving brat, Yuffie Kisaragi.
TBC…
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