Disclaimer: FF7 belongs to Squaresoft,
not me. Or else certain things would have changed.
Pairing: Reno x Yuffie
Rating: PG
* * *
So
let me recap what happened. Elena was going on and on about how having sex with
Tseng was better than sex alone. I’m on my eight bottle of beer…or was it ninth?
Who knows? In any case, I finished drinking and decided to go bang my
prostitute Lola. I stumbled all the way to what I thought was my hotel and
hoped Lola would still be there. I was late thanks ‘Lena’s constant rambling on
how gorgeous Tseng was. Lucky for me, she hadn’t left in pissy mood and was
sleeping in my bed. Despite the fact I’m pissed that she’s snoozing away, I
slipped out of my clothes and try to wake her up with my playful hand. Then she
said my poor fingers felt like vomit and I hated her. So I tried to sleep
myself but was rudely pulled from my slumber by some buffoons babbling outside
my door. Before I could do a thing, the lights flickered on and I found myself
facing Avalanche, my favorite group of people. Ready to blast them out, I
turned to see if Lola was also awake.
Oh
and what should my gaze fall upon? It’s not Lola, the woman who took half my
salary and gave me zippo in return, but Avalanche’s little ninja Materia
snatcher Yuffie. And now Avalanche is ready to attack me in my underwear. In
short, I got myself deep in Chocobo crap when there were no Chocobos around.
And
that should be the tragic end of my life.
But
I wasn’t
ready to give up the ghost yet, oh no. I have fought Avalanche before and escaped,
alive and ready to fight them off for another day. I can do it yet! Heck, I was ready to jump out of bed and
fight them…if I was wearing more clothing and the room wasn’t freezing. I’ve
taken care of them before and I can do it again, naked or not! I would handle
this in a manly manner.
“Don’t
fight me, I’m drunk and in my underwear.” I muttered weakly.
Wow,
I was so blunt and idiotic there. Score ten points on the stupidity scale for
me.
“What
the @#&*$# are you doing here?” Ugly brute with cigarette, a.k.a. Cid
Highwind, demanded. The frosted frowns I got from everyone else pretty much
asked the same question. Dammit, I wish I were wearing something other than my
undies. I wanted to face of against Avalanche fully dressed, not almost undressed!
“I
can explain…” I started to say. Next to me, Yuffie began to stir.
“Ugh,
dad, the bathtub is still full of puke…” She murmured. Oh geez, I didn’t even
touch her! What was with all the puke anyway?! Did Yuffie always have dreams
about people upchucking their meals into her bathing area or something?
“Man,
you a Shinra!” Gun-arm dude and Mr. States the Obvious, a.k.a. Barret Wallace,
pointed out. Before I could think up a witty, wonderful response to spit back
at the goody-goody Avalanche members, I heard someone shriek beside me. Yuffie,
now fully awake, was sitting up in bed and had pushed herself up against the
wall. Now I was surrounded by glares galore.
“Ew!”
She exclaimed and then went on her one-word spree. “Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew,
ew!”
I was
a little hurt. Before I could say a word, there was yet another surprise. Elena
and Rude had shown up from behind, staring at me with horror. Or was it
disgust? Ugh, my vision is going! This isn’t good. It meant that I would not
get away with this easily unless I came up with something fast. I calmed down
and faced them all with one hell of a fake smile.
“What?”
I tried to sound pleasant despite the fact I was freezing. “What’cha all
lookin’ at? Me?”
“No,
we’re gawking at the pink chocobo that just wandered into the room!” Yuffie
snapped. “Yes, we’re looking at you, you filthy, ugly, disgusting, drunk,
nasty…”
Whoa,
whoa, whoa! Could she cut back on the adjectives a bit? And I thought being
compared to puke or the one-word spree was bad. But all those things she was
saying about me…ouch. I didn’t think I was filthy. I brush my teeth and shower
everyday! And I didn’t think I was ugly either. Anyway, she was going on and on
about that and Avalanche was staring me down with those evil looks.
“You
better not have hurt her.” Tifa said again.
“Don’t
get your pantyhose in a knot, Avalanche. I didn’t violate her!” I snapped.
“I
ain’t wearing no pantyhose, foo!” Barret shot back at me.
Um,
yeah I know that. Sheesh, can’t you people take a joke?
“I’m
sure there’s an explanation behind all this.” Aeris Gainsborough, flower power
girl, piped up. But I could tell that even she was pissed off at me. Still,
that gave me an opportunity to plead my case to everyone.
“It’s
all accident.” I began. Wow, it’s the first I ever had to tell the truth.
Painful but it had to be told. I shot looks at both Elena and Rude who were
quiet. They didn’t say a word to alert Avalanche of their presence, which was a
good thing. We’d be in more Chocobo shit and we’d be in it together. Then they’d
want to kill me and that would put more people on Avalanche’s side. Not good
odds in my favor. So I stayed silent and so did they.
“An
accident?” Cloud Strife (or who I referred to as Spike) raised an eyebrow. I
nodded so hard, my head was ready to snap off my neck.
“Yeah,
I came into her bed by accident. So…let bygones be bygones and all that good
shit?”
“#&*$#@!”
Cid murmured. I’m not too sure what he said but it didn’t sound clean. And that
also meant that I wasn’t out of my rut.
“The
hell it wuz an accident, Shinra!” Barret added. “You sent here to spy on us!”
“Did
you have to get in my bed?” Yuffie moaned. “Ew, what do you want with me
anyway?”
Oh
shut up, you little Wutai bitchie. I’m still pissed at you for saying my hands
feel like ‘puke’.
“Yes,
what were you doing?” Cloud inquired. The look in his eye meant that, if I didn’t
give him an answer now, he’d slice me into five fine pieces with his sword. Inside,
my brain was saying, Uh oh, no one’s convinced. No one believes my story.
Ah, the price I’ve paid for being a bad guy. Now I need to convince Yuffie and
the others that I’m not doing anything bad, I was just drunk…probably still am…and
I mean no harm. I wasn’t trying to spy or violate or do anything rotten…for
once in my life. Hell, they’ve got to believe me on that!
Then, I realized something. Chances of them
believing me on that…nada.
“I’ll give you one more second to answer.” Yuffie said, glaring at me. “What are you doing in my bed?”
Wow,
this is the first I feel threatened by a teenager. My pores began to excrete
and my heart was racing faster than contestants at the chocobo races. The
glares were falling on me. The silence was killing me. The beer that I chugged
down hours ago had made its way down there and would come out if I was not
careful. My stomach hurt. My brain hurt. My gonads hurt. Everything was
spinning around and turning into gold Chocobos. My head…my heart…my lungs…my
God…I…I’m…going to…
“ARGH!
I LOVE YOU!”
I
had snapped and those were the words that poured out of my mouth. The glares
disappeared and were replaced with looks of confusion. Realizing I was on a
ball, I went on. I should have stopped there but I didn’t. I had to keep going.
“I…I…I
love you!” I blurted out. Yup, I was drunk that night. I had to be. But I didn’t
know how drunk I was. I would soon find out.
“Huh?”
She looked as confused as the rest of Avalanche, Elena, and Rude.
And,
without having any clue what I was doing, I grabbed her and planted a wet one
on her lips.
TBC…
* *
*
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